While I personally find that un-rhyming words are usually better and connect with the heart more deeply, whether you write a bullet point top ten list, a traditional poem, or twenty paragraphs of free flowing words, it’s the thought and the calibration that counts. The format is irrelevant as long as it genuinely comes from your heart.

What you say is most important, not how you send it.
Some purists believe that handwritten notes are the only way to go when it comes to delivery love letters, and while handwritten is totally bad ass and a classic way of doing things, if your handwriting is as bad as mine then you might be better off sending a typed message.

Now, some people would argue that hand written letters stand the test of time more than sending the words via a Facebook message. But handwritten letters can catch on fire or have coffee spilled on them or get eaten by the dog. So who is to say that a handwritten love letter will necessarily last longer than a digital message will?

Whether you deliver it via beautiful stationary in your finest handwriting, a carefully crafted digital message, or a piece of paper that you commemorate in a photo frame, the delivery medium is largely irrelevant. What’s important is that you write it at all. If you’re better at communicating your innermost thoughts in one medium over the other, go with whatever feels natural.

I will now go into some structural elements of an effective love letter that you can then mix and match and use as you see fit. There is no one correct order for these to appear in your finished love letter, these are simply elements.

Some of them will resonate with you and others won’t mean as much to you. That’s fine. Use whatever it useful for you. Here are seven important structural elements that you can include in your love letter.

Start with why.

Personally, I love starting my love letters with a quick explanation as to why I’m sending it. This can be as short as a few words, or as lengthy as a few paragraphs.

For example, you could say any of the following to kick off your love letter:

“This letter is long overdue, and it’s been tumbling around in my mind for weeks now. So I thought it was finally time to put pen to paper and tell you how I feel about you.”

“You do so many little things day to day that only ever elevate my opinion of you. You are such a gift in my life and you deserve to know it... so I decided to write you this letter.”

“I’m not so good with talking about my feelings sometimes, but I didn’t want my thoughts to go unsaid, so I thought a letter would be best.”

Grounding the love letter with a reason can lead people into the experience of “Get ready for this huge incoming smorgasbord of emotions!” by pacing their reality of “What am I about to be reading here?”

Focus on what they bring to your life.

What exactly does your partner bring to your life? Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, sexually. How do they elevate your life? How do they make your daily existence that much easier or better?

Maybe you’ve told them about certain ways, or maybe you’ve told them almost none of them. This is your chance. Brainstorm out anywhere from 10 to 50 things that your partner brings to your life and then pick your favorite handful to focus on.

Some examples could be:

“I love how you encourage the best parts of me. I am healthier, more driven, and more emotionally fulfilled than at any other point in my life and that is in large part because of you.”
“Thank you so much for reminding me who I am when I sometimes forget. I am so grateful to have you as a rock in my life.”

“You have helped me turn my dreams into a reality in so many areas of my life. You are an absolute blessing.”
As always, make sure that it’s true for YOU. Calibration is key. And, by all means, if any of the above examples do ring true for you then please feel free to use them verbatim.

Allude to memories that you share.

As simple as it sounds. Do you have a pre-existing relationship with this person? Then write out a list of all of your favorite memories that you shared and then pick your top couple of memories to reference in your love letter.

Examples:

“That one time that you laughed so hard that chocolate milk came out of your nose? I fell in love with you right then and there.”

“I can’t believe it’s already been two years since we went on that trip to (location) together. I have such fond memories of how we navigated the streets like a team and we went the entire trip without even a small argument. We’ve always worked so well together as a couple and I couldn’t feel happier that we’re together.”

“Our first kiss was so blissful that I thought I might fall over. My legs felt like jelly for the next few days. You certain have always had a powerful effect on me.”

You can either allude to your multiple memories in a rapid fire 1 to 2 sentence format, or you can really sit with one amazing memory and describe it in vivid detail. The choice is yours.

Pinpoint what you love about them.

What specifically do you love about the person you’re writing to? What do you love about their character, their appearance, or what they fill their life with? Brainstorm/jot it down, and then let them know what you consider to be the highlights.

Examples of what you might love about them:

“I love your drive and ambition. I have endless faith that you’ll achieve anything you put your mind to.”
“You are so amazingly loyal to those you care about. The depth with which you love others is nothing short of inspiring. I love your massive heart.”

“I don’t think I actually had a sex drive before I met you. You are the sexiest thing in the world and I couldn’t be more attracted to everything about you.”

“You are so thoughtful with me. I noticed that you did (X), (Y), and (Z), recently and I want you to know that I notice all of it.”

“Your eyes are so captivating. I could get lost in them forever.”

“You are simply the best person I have ever known. I have endless respect for you and the way that you carry yourself in this world. So thank you for being you.”

Write about what you take for granted the most.

I call this the Elusive Obvious effect. Often some of the things that are presented most obviously in plain view are the things that get taken for granted the most. Also, if you are more prone to complimenting them on just one thing or one area (i.e., only their physical appearance, or only one of the things that they bring to your life) then this can be a good exercise for expanding your awareness of all of the other things that you love about them.

Details are important.

While it’s nice to praise the things hidden in plain view, I find that the most memorable moments in love letters come from finding the super-specific details that you love about the love letter recipient and letting them be known.

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